Quisp!
Jim's Email Exchange With Quisp.
The following is a real, unexpurgated account
of an email exchange with Quisp...himself!
Note: you, too, can email Quisp!---------- From: Jim Leff Questions: I want a Quisp watch. I want it bad. Buffalo's a long way away. I hear you're test marketing in Albany, too. That's only like a 3 hour drive for me. Can you tell me what stores there might have it? Please? I've dreamed of Quisp for 20 years. I thought I'd never find it again. So close. So close. IMPERTINENT DATA: Age: 34 Sex: male Number of Children: -0 Number of Times You Say Quisp in an Average Decade: dozens Favorite Cereals: Parade brand corn flakes Rice Chex Banana Nut Crunch Jordan's Crunchy (England) memories of yummy Quisp ---------- From: Quisp@quakeroats.com Subject: RE: Quisp Question In 1965, Quisp arrived from Planet Q with 12 billion boxes of cereal. Since good things don't last forever we sent Quisp back to restock. Luckily for earthlings, Quisp has returned from Planet Q (70 billion light years away) this year with a second load. Quisp found parking at several distributors in NY -- Tops Markets Buffalo, Ny Fleming-Buffalo Div. Cheektowaga, Ny Quality Markets, Inc. Jamestown, Ny Olean Whol. Grocery Olean, Ny Wegmans Food Markets Rochester, Ny The Golub Corp. Schenectady, Ny P.C. Food Markets, Stiles, Ny Scheidelman, Inc. Utica, Ny Quaker distributes Quisp cereal for Quisp, but Quaker doesn't sell direct to stores so we cannot provide specific store names or locations. May the "Quazy Energy" be with you! --------- then, two months later... --------- From: Jim Leff big-dog@chowhound.com To: Quisp@quakeroats.com Subject: Please Help!! Hi, Quisp After much persuasion, I had a friend of a friend trek out to a supermarket in Schenectady, NY in search of your delicious golden flying saucers of sweet crunchy corn. But alas, the box he found there had no Quisp wristwatch offer on it. I'd heard that this watch is the hippest of hip, and I want one very badly. Is it possible that the watch is only offered on Milwaukee/Chicago Quisp boxes? If so, I'll fly out there; ANYTHING. please, oh propeller-beanied space tummeler, hear my plea and tell me where I can find myself a box with the ultracool Quisp watch offer. your fan, JIM ps--I voted for you, if that makes any difference --------- From: Quisp@quakeroats.com Where are you located? I'm not surprised you voted for me - I won hands down! --------- From: Jim Leff big-dog@chowhound.com "Where are you located? I'm not surprised you voted for me - I won hands down!" I know you won. But then Quaker nixed you anyway. Other than possibly the Snapple acquisition, it was the worst error the company ever made. I'm in New York City. I want a Quisp watch. I want it badly. Please, Quisp, tell me where the boxes with the watch offer are being sold. They're not in upstate New York...is the offer good only for Milwaukee/Chicago Quisp? (I wanna get watches for my little nieces also, so I'm gonna need to buy like four boxes, I guess) Wow, what a thrill...to get email from Quisp. It's better than Santa... You wanna go out for a beer sometime? JIM --------- From: Quisp@quakeroats.com "Other than possibly the Snapple acquisition, it was the worst error the company ever made" (OUCH!) Good things don't last forever - I went back to Planet Q (70 billion light years away) to re-load my space hauler with more boxes of Quisp. Luckily for earthlings, I'm back! "Please, Quisp, tell me where the boxes with the watch offer are being sold. They're not in upstate New York...is the offer good only for Milwaukee/Chicago Quisp?" The retro boxes with the watch offer are available. Unfortunately, as difficult as parking is, I couldn't find enough spots together to park my space hauler in metropolitan New York. I did find parking at several distributors in NY -- Tops Markets Buffalo, Ny Quality Markets, Inc. Jamestown, Ny Wegmans Food Markets Rochester, Ny The Golub Corp. Schenectady, Ny P.C. Food Markets, Inc. Stiles, Ny Scheidelman, Inc. Utica, Ny "Wow, what a thrill...to get email from Quisp. It's better than Santa..." Gee, thanks! "You wanna go out for a beer sometime?" I'm only 578 years old which is still 422 years underage by Q-tian law. Thanks, anyway. QUISP --------- From: Jim Leff big-dog@chowhound.com "Quisp"-- yeah yeah yeah, "park my space hauler", etc etc You know, I've kind of decided you're not actually Quisp, but one of Quisp's Helpers. But know what? Your own stuff ("I'm 153 years underage for a beer", etc) is a lot better than the plug-in material. You should consider going off on your own, maybe get your own cereal. I'll back you 100% if you do...how about "Quatz, the Cosmic Customer Service Rep"? my best to Quisp, if you see him many thanks, JIM --------- no reply --------- A couple of years later, I reinitiated my conversation with Quisp (or perhaps I should say "Quisp") when I saw that the Quisp website was running a vote to determine the next promotional toy. Betrayed as a child by Quaker's Quisp vs Quake vote, I decided not to take it lying down this time (note: "Quaker's Sweet Crunch" is the company's generically bagged cereal that looks and tastes suspiciously like Quisp) --------- From: Jim Leff big-dog@chowhound.com To: Quisp@quakeroats.com Subject: Quisp Question Date: Monday, February 15, 1999 11:19PM Quisp! Listen, you remember how Lucy kept trying to get Charlie Brown to kick the football, and she'd pull it away at the last minute every time? That's how I feel with this vote. I mean, first there was the big Quisp vs. Quake election, a pivotal event of my youth. You won (thanks, in no small measure, to my campaign efforts on your behalf at the Vanderbilt Elementary School), they got rid of Quake (he was lame ever since his makeover anyway, IMO), and then they pulled the rug out of under me and cancelled YOU as well. Sure, now I'm 36 and I can drive to like Milwaukee or God knows where to by Quisp, but that's too little too late, know what I'm sayin'? Now you've done your big Quisp Promo election. Well, listen, buddy...I didn't vote. Fool me once, shame on you...fool me twice FAGGEDDABOUDDIT No more elections for me. Your handlers at Quaker can't be trusted. Still your fan, though, JIM IMPERTINENT DATA: Age: 36 Sex: male Number of Children: 0 Number of Times You Say Quisp in an Average Decade: 245 Favorite Cereals: Quisp (going on memory here) Corn Bran Corn Flakes (Parade brand) Post Banana Nut Crunch Oatmeal (if hot cereals count) ---------- From: Quisp@quakeroats.com Greetings! So you stuffed the ballot boxes and rigged the vote in '72? I assumed any voting irregularities were the result of Quake and his kronies from the miners' union. I, Quisp, won the election despite these underhanded tactics! As for my space junk, I received a gazillion votes already, so don't be a spoil sport and stay tuned to my web site for future offers. The following distributors carry my quispy, quunchy cereal -- Product Description State City Customer Quisp Cereal NY Olean, Ny Olean Whol. Grocery Co-Op Inc Quisp Cereal NY Schenectady, Ny Golub Corporation May the "Quazy Energy" be with you! Your pal, QUISP ---------- From: Jim Leff (big-dog@chowhound.com) "I assumed any voting irregularities were the result of Quake and his kronies from the miners' union" I hear you. But, you know, if Quake had remained a miner, he would have kept more popularity (and given you a greater run for the money in the election). Back in the old days, Quake was cool; he had cojones. Then he was given that sissified makeover into Suave Intercosmic SuperHero With Wavy Hair, and his cereal (let's be honest...really just glorified Captain Crunch sans crunchberries) alone couldn't cut it. I mean, when he was a cool gnarly miner, bashing through rock with outstretched fist, THAT was a different story. "As for my space junk, I received a gazillion votes already" sure, doubtless from those who don't remember Quaker's betrayal of The Faithful back in the 60's. We voted for Quisp, then Quake was cancelled, then, shortly after, Quisp was quietly laid to rest. Nice. Anyway, this is how I know you're not really Quisp; Quisp is PISSED. Quisp is not doing PR, Quisp is not answering email for Quaker. Sure, he's doing business with you guys once more, because the export biz from Planet Q to Earth is potentially lucrative for him. But you start pulling back distribution again, and you're likely to bring down some sort of interstellar apocalypse on our entire planet. Hey, did the watch offer expire yet? Mine broke (I'd suggest using quartz movement next time; quazy energy alone is apparently not enough to power a watch in the long run)...I wish I could buy another. "May the "Quazy Energy" be with you!" Right back atcha! JIM ps--The very existence of "Quaker Sweet Crunch" is incredibly cynical and depressing to those of us caught up in your marketing campaign. Can you guys do something about that? I mean, Keebler isn't selling elf-less chocolate chip cookies as a side brand, y'know? ---------- From: Quisp@quakeroats.com Greetings again! About Quake, I do not speak with him, but suggest that you enjoy my quazy energy cereal and do not worry about being distracted by subterranean busybodies. My Quazy Quisp Watch Offer has been extended - you can send for the watch through the end of the year (1999.) As for that bagged cereal, scientifically, the formulation is very similar, however, spiritually they are quite far apart as the atmosphere on planet Q seems to add a quazy energy element found nowhere else in the universe. QUISP ---------- From: Jim Leff big-dog@chowhound.com "As for that bagged cereal, scientifically, the formulation is very similar, however, spiritually they are quite far apart as the atmosphere on planet Q seems to add a quazy energy element found nowhere else in the universe." Hey, Quisp, you know something? You write an awful lot like I do! If the import/export thing doesn't work out for you, maybe I can offer you a job reviewing for chowhound.com. Keep in touch, ok? JIM ---------- Awaiting reply (stay tuned!) ----------Return to the Quisp Page
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