Jim Leff's Recipe for Matzoh Brei
1996
 
It's almost against my religion to offer a recipe to something that could be eaten out, but matzo brei is dismayingly hard to find delicious in restaurants, and I happen to cook what friends consider a really happening version. No fancy frills in this recipe, though I'd be happy to hear more knowledgeable cooks suggest substitutions or add-ons.
 
Break up a couple of big squares of matzoh per person (use egg matzoh, or, even better, onion egg matzoh for a richer result) into jagged chunks around 1/2 to 3/4 inch long. Don't be too obsessive about trying to make them even. You can make this easier by using pre-broken matzoh farfal, but that means terrible quality matzoh.
 
ESSENTIAL STEP: remove the "shake"...the crumbs and dust. I do this by putting all the chunks in a soup bowl, covering with my outstretched hand, and turning bowl upside down over a plate (and moving my hand around really carefully. A salad spinner might work, too.
 
Put the matzoh into a colander, shake out any remaining crumbs, and quickly run under a medium-force lukewarm water tap, rapidly moving the colander around so that no one patch gets overly soaked. Try to hit most of the surface of the matzoh, but you don't have to be thorough. Agitate the matzoh in the colander (use no implements), by bouncing/flipping the matzoh around. After moistoning, continue agitating in order to drain off all excess water.
 
[Note: I've been pretty much convinced by message board discussion subsequent to my posting of this recipe that it makes more sense to (slightly) moisten the whole squares of matzoh and then break them up. Avoids crumbs. Makes sense. I surrender!]
 
Scramble three eggs per person with a bit of milk. Add half again more salt and black pepper [Steven Stern has made an impassioned defense of using white pepper...tons of it] than you'd add for scrambled eggs (if you're using salty egg matzoh, add only a dash of salt, but still plenty of black pepper). Black pepper is essential, and you don't want it too strong and fresh. So use lousy pre-ground black pepper rather than your peppermill. You can also add a shake or two of paprika.
 
Melt as much butter as your cholesterol level will permit to coat a big skillet and let it just barely brown over high heat.
 
While the butter's heating, add the matzoh to the scrambled eggs. Mix in gently with a fork. There should be a decent amount of liquid egg left...you're not aiming to soak it all into the matzoh.
 
Quickly splash the egg/matzoh mixture into a frying pan, and use a spatula (not too wide) to continuously fold it over. Reduce heat to medium as soon as the eggs begin to thicken (sooner if you're using an electric stove). Keep folding (being careful not to break up too many of the matzoh chunks); the egg/matzoh should never just sit in the pan.
 
Serve sloppily piled onto plates. Must be eaten very hot.
 
Note: this is "scrambled" matzoh brei, which (call me a heathen!) I vastly prefer to the pancake style.